uh ohman
by catmagnent
Summary: This is part two of the cheech and chong story. Their both pot smoking vampires who have encounters with frankenstein, the mummy, and the werewolf. How will the stoners fair against ancient monsters?


i own nothing of cheech and chong. they are left to their own devices. getting stoned and all.

tom chong now a pot smoking vampire was lounging around draculas castle smoking pot with dracula and throwing a huge party in the dining room. cheech marin on the other hand had decided to leave.

chong sent for his friend and asked him to please not to leave. he asked if there was still any of those fat chinese doobies. chong nodded yes.

well esse..lets party. cried cheech.

when the pair got back into the castle and seated at the table with dracula he passed a well stocked horn of plenty and was so high.

dracula told cheech marin that he wouldnt kill him unless he agreed to be turned into a vampire. cheech took a long deep drag off the horn of plenty. he held it and then slowly let it out.

ok man. just dont leave a scar. i got a thing about that. said cheech.

and in that instant dracula lurched foreward and bit into cheech. he began to drain him of his lifes blood. then dracula stopped. he opened a vein on his arm and told cheech to drink and learn something worthwhile.

so he began to drink. just as chong had did. and he still did not learn shit.

cheech learned that dracula had enemies. and how to defeat each one dracula needed help.

the werewolf. to kill it. silver bullets and wolfs bane.

the mummy. un wrap it. and beat the crap out of it. behead it if need be.

frankenstein. a living zombie without the flesh craving. pull out the brain. and kill it as you would a regular human being.

the now extremely stoned set of vampires had their work cut out for them. dracula had to show them where the werewolf was located. and the right stuff was brought along to kill it. it was early morning and the trio of vampires were walking the streets of london.

the person that transformed into the werewolf was found and escorted out of the city by dracula. tom chong and cheech marin were smoking the wolfs bane.

you idiots. youre smoking the wolfs bane..really. for real. said dracula.

cheech stood up and blew wolfsbane smoke in the werewolfs face and the beast within howled. dracula got the gun with the silver bullets and shot the creature through the heart. the man fell dead. the werewolf curse disappeared.

good work fellas. said dracula cheerfully.

yeah man. we always do good work. now take a hit off this fat ass chinese doobie man. said cheech and chong together.

ok. said dracula. next we have the frankenstein monster to kill then the mummy.

they sat in the english forest outside of london smoking pot and getting so stoned they would look normal in a rock quarry.

by nightfall the trio went to the northern part of england. the windmills were in ruins.

this is where the frankenstein monster was last seen. wether he lives or not remains to be seen. said dracula cautiously.

cheech and chong were wondering around looking in and around for this creature.

here monster monster monster..called tom chong. even whistling like he was calling for a dog.

hey hey hey man. will you stop that shit man. this thing aint no dog. we gotta look for it like regular person. said cheech.

so they looked under the floors through large cracks and missing boards. nothing. they looked in rooms. nothing. in closets. nothing. even in the storage cellar. bingo.

the frankenstein monster was there. hiding in a corner eating a handful of grain. dracula rushed in. cracked open the monsters skull and pulled out its brains. then he drew his sword and began to disembowel it.

die die die..you piece of shit you. yelled dracula.

cheech and chong laughed and took another deep drag on the horn of plenty.

what a spaz. said cheech.

what a ..ah..aw man i can think. fuck it man. said chong.

hey hey hey man. enough already. save it for the next one. the toilet paper dude. said cheech.

come on man. take a shot of this strong ass fucking alcohol and a drag off the chinese doobie. you will feel much better. said both cheech and chong.

oh what the hell. pass the absinthe. and then pass the chinese doobie. said dracula.

three hours later...

dracula along with cheech and chong drunk and stoned got up to take a piss. and as the trio peed on this tree and seriously trying not to look at how big the other one was. dracula told the pair their next stop was egypt.

four and a half hours later the trio was in cairo egypt.

ok guys. said dracula. we got to go out to the pyramids. thats where my nemesis is waiting for me.

okay man. lead the way. said tom chong.

the trio walked to a camel rental tent and got three camels. dracula was so thirsty he couldnt help but to drain three or four people right there. the trio took off into the desert. they reached the great pyramid by mid morning. then dracula got off his camel...tied it to a post. then cheech and chong got off their camels and followed dracula into the entrance of the pyramid.

ok man. i gotta take a dump. wheres the bathroom at in this joint. asked chong.

there is no bathroon in a pyramid you numbskull stoner. barked dracula.

so they walked on to the main chamber that looked like a throne room. and a mummy shaped coffin in the corner.

come out of that damn coffin you slacker assed sonofabitch. yelled out dracula.

just then the lid of the sacrcophagus slid off and landed with a thud on the ground. and a bandaged figure rose up and climbed out of the tomb. it stretched out its long arms and let out a wail and then let out a growl of anger and hate.

it realised that dracula had called it forth from its rest. and as its memories came flooding back..it focused on one memory in paticular. it was on the day it had died and how it had died. then looked at draculas face and remembered it from around eleven thousand years before. it recognized dracula. he had killed the pharaoh and condemed his soul to damnation.

the dead pharaoh lurched out and ran towards dracula. then this sound came up over the clamour...poooot. oh man. that feels good to take a huge shit. and theres more coming.

oh anubis why do these things happen to me. wailed the dead mummified pharaoh.

because you probably deserved it. thats why you piece of shit. growled dracula.

the two beasts wrestled around for about an hour. and just as the mummy passed next to chong..who was still taking a huge crap. he reached out and grabbed a hold of the loose end of the mummies wrapping and pulled.

oh cool man. an endless roll of toilet paper. said an enthusiastic chong.

cheech was sitting in the pharaohs cair and admiring the gold and jewls he had found. one ring really stood out. it had a green emerald in the shape of a leaf. cheech took it and placed it on his finger.

hey man check it out. i found a ring that has an emerald shaped like a pot leaf. cool eh man. said cheech happily.

chong finished taking a huge nasty shit. and used the mummy wrappings as toilet paper.

he looked all around for a handle to pull to flush the toilet. but finding none. he reached over and pushed down on the shiny silver lever and he heard a flushing sound.

finally. he thought. i didnt wanna smell that while down here.

he thought it was an odd place to take a shit. but when you gotta shit you just gotta shit. there was no getting around it. so he joined cheech over at the pharaohs chair looking through the jewlery chest.

dracula stomped the shit out of that moldy pile of bones. then he pissed on them and tossed them back in the tomb. then chong walked over and pushed the lever again and the pile of cumbly dusty bones went down the hole.

they walked back out of the pyramid. got back on their camels and rode back into cairo. the full moon was coming up. and dracula stopped his camel. got off and began to yell in pain. he wailed and screamed as if something was hurting him.

as the full moon came a quarter of the way up dracula burst into flames and died. his corpse turned to ashes.

aww man. look what happened to dracula. said cheech.

chong looked on but didnt say anything.

the camel dracula was on pissed on draculas ashes. and followed the other two back into cairo. and back to the rental tent for camels.

the two remained vampires. they only smoked pot. drank absenthe. wine. beer. or other alcohol. ate what they felt like. and partied like there was no tomorrow. afterall they had a new house...a fucking castle with plenty of weed. party hardy.


End file.
